The Lucky Ballpoint Pen (幸せのボールペン, Shiawase no Boorupen) is the 1st episode of Odd Taxi audio drama series.
Synopsis[]
Satoshi Nagashima introduces his wiretapping channel. Gouriki banters with Odokawa about the latter's bachelor lifestyle, and unwittingly gives him the wiretapped pen.
Characters[]
Transcription[]
| 話 |
幸せのボールペン。 | |
| 長嶋 |
えーと、皆さん、こんばんは。 | |
| これから流す音声ですね。 | ||
| 私は偶然傍受したものなんですけど。 | ||
| それを毎週流していこうとそう思っております。 | ||
| なぜこんな音声があるのかというと、みなさんコンサートワッチってご存知でしょうか。 | ||
| 簡単に説明しますと、特殊な受信機を利用して、ライブなどで使われるマイクの周波数を受信するんですけど。 | ||
| これで私お金なくて行けないライブとか聴くのが趣味だったんですね。 | ||
| あくまでも傍受だって個人で楽しんでたんですけど、ある日ですね、偶然、盗聴器から流れる音声を受信しまして、これはとても興味深い内容なので、これから毎週流していこうかなと思います。 | ||
| 私が仕掛けたんじゃないですからね、誤解のないように。 | ||
| それでは記念すべき第一回は、たぶんですけど、病院の診察室ですね。 | ||
| では、どうぞ。 | ||
| 剛力 |
小戸川、一人で住んでたら寂しいだろう。 | |
| 小戸川 |
別に寂しかねえよ。 | |
| 剛力 |
風邪引いた時とか。 | |
| 小戸川 |
確かに風邪の時はやばいな。 | |
| 剛力 |
だろう？どうしてんの。 | |
| 小戸川 |
昔から世話になっている大家さんが蜜柑とか持ってきてくれる。 | |
| 剛力 |
それは助かるな。 | |
| 小戸川 |
あとは、一人暮らしで風邪ひいたときにストックしておくべきアイテムを常備してるよ。 | |
| 剛力 |
例えば何。 | |
| 小戸川 |
冷凍うどんとか。 | |
| 剛力 |
最近の冷凍食品、侮れないもんないなあ。 | |
| 小戸川 |
最近の冷凍食品すごいよ、チャーハンとかシュウマイとか。冷凍食品だと洗い物も楽だし。 | |
| 剛力 |
風邪の時に食器洗うのは大変だもんな。 | |
| 小戸川 |
笊みたいなやつあるだろう。 | |
| なんていうのはあれ。ボールなんだけどあみあみのやつ。 | ||
| 剛力 |
ああ、分かる分かる、ステンレス製のな。 | |
| 小戸川 |
あれ洗ってる時の手応えのなさな。 | |
| 剛力 |
分かんねぇけど。 | |
| 小戸川 |
スプーン洗いた時にものすごい反撃にあう時あるじゃん。水の。 | |
| あれの逆なんだよ、あみあみのやつの手応えのなさ。 | ||
| かと思えば逆にお箸洗うときにお得感みたいなの感じるときもあるけどな | ||
| ２本いっぺんに洗え… | ||
| なんだよ、剛力。さっきから。 | ||
| 剛力 |
ごめん。分かんないんだよ。俺洗い物とかしないから。 | |
| 正直最近の冷凍食品も全然知らないんだ。 | ||
| 小戸川 |
今の発言問題ありだな。洗い物しろよ。冷凍食品もたまには食べろ。 | |
| 奥さんの負担をちょっとは考えろ。 | ||
| 剛力 |
えあ、ん。 | |
| 小戸川 |
あー、分かった分かった。お前がこれから言うことが分かった。 | |
| うちは食洗機使ってるしほぼ外食なんだとかだろう。 | ||
| 剛力 |
いや、うち、ハウスキーパーいるんだ。家事代行的な。 | |
| 小戸川 |
チェ。 | |
| 剛力 |
自炊とかすんの。 | |
| 小戸川 |
するよ、たまに。 | |
| 剛力 |
何作るの。 | |
| 小戸川 |
炒めたり。 | |
| 剛力 |
何を。 | |
| 小戸川 |
あらゆるものだよ。 | |
| 剛力 |
なんかあるだろう。野菜炒めとか。 | |
| 小戸川 |
なんでもだって。油ひいて炒めたらだいたいうまいだろう。 | |
| 剛力 |
レシピとかネットで見れるもんな。 | |
| 小戸川 |
そういうのは見ない。ネットとか分かんないから。 | |
| 剛力 |
どうやって作るの? | |
| 小戸川 |
目分量だよだいたい。それでなんとかなの。 | |
| 剛力 |
一人分作るの大変じゃない。 | |
| 小戸川 |
余ったら余ったで冷凍すりゃいいし。そう、冷凍なんだよ結局。すごいよな、冷凍。 | |
| 剛力 |
… | |
| 小戸川 |
なんだよ。 | |
| 剛力 |
本当に一人暮らしだよな。 | |
| 小戸川 |
意味分かんねぇ。もう帰るぞ。 | |
| 剛力 |
まってまって。まだ診察終わってない。 | |
| 小戸川 |
診察なんてしたことないだろう。ずっと気になってたんだけどさ。 | |
| その書いてるやつ何。 | ||
| 剛力 |
カルテだよ。 | |
| 小戸川 |
じゃなくて。 | |
| 剛力 |
病院をなんだと思ってんだ。 | |
| 小戸川 |
デッサンしてるのかと思ってた。 | |
| 剛力 |
タクシー運転手だって客乗せて信号待ちの時とかになんか書いてるだろう。 | |
| あれデッサンしてんのか。 | ||
| 小戸川 |
じゃなくて。そのペン何。 | |
| 剛力 |
あ、これ。 | |
| 小戸川 |
お前の趣味じゃないような。可愛らしい。 | |
| 剛力 |
これ幸せのボールペンていうんだって。 | |
| 小戸川 |
はー？ | |
| 剛力 |
しらないのか。流行ってるって聞いたぞ。肌身離さず持って、他人に手渡すと幸せが伝染してくらしい。 | |
| 小戸川 |
女子小学生か、お前。 | |
| 剛力 |
次はお前にやるよ。 | |
| 小戸川 |
こんなの誰に貰ったんだよ。 | |
| 剛力 |
うーん、やまっ。 |
| Story |
The Lucky Ballpoint Pen. | |
| Nagashima |
Uhh, good evening everyone. | |
| The recording I'm about to play for you is just something I happened to intercept but, I think I'll start streaming them every week. | ||
| As for how I came across these conversations, does anybody know what "IEM recordings" are? | ||
| To put it simply, you can tap into the frequency of the microphones used during concerts etc. with a specialized radio receiver. | ||
| It’s a hobby of mine, you see, listening to concerts that I can't afford to actually go to myself. | ||
| I only ever did it to enjoy them privately but, one day, totally by accident, my receiver happened to tune into a wiretap, and what I heard was extremely interesting, so I'm planning to stream them every week from now on. | ||
| Make sure not to misunderstand. It’s not like I was the one who planted the bug, okay? | ||
| Now then, without further ado, to commemorate the inaugural stream, let's listen to a conversation that I'm assuming took place in a doctor's consultation room. | ||
| Gouriki |
Odokawa, aren't you lonely living by yourself? | |
| Odokawa |
Not particularly. | |
| Gouriki |
What about when you catch a cold? | |
| Odokawa |
Okay I'll admit that can be a rough time. | |
| Gouriki |
Exactly! So what do you do? | |
| Odokawa |
My landlord, to whom I've long been indebted, brings me satsuma mandarins. | |
| Gouriki |
Ooh, that sure is nice of them to do that. | |
| Odokawa |
I also maintain a stockpile of items befitting my solitary lifestyle for when I get sick. | |
| Gouriki |
Like what? | |
| Odokawa |
Like, frozen udon. | |
| Gouriki |
I guess you can't underestimate frozen meals nowadays, huh. | |
| Odokawa |
I tell you, they're incredible. Fried rice, Chinese dumplings, the list goes on. | |
| Gouriki |
Hn. | |
| Odokawa |
Not to mention frozen meals also make doing the dishes a breeze. | |
| Gouriki |
Washing up whilst you're sick would probably be a pain in the ass, huh. | |
| Odokawa |
Y'know that thing that kinda looks like a zaru? | |
| What's it called? It's shaped like a bowl but is full of holes. | ||
| Gouriki |
Ahhh, yeah, I know what you're talking about, it's made of stainless steel, right? | |
| Odokawa |
There is no resistance when you wash it. | |
| Gouriki |
I'm not following you... | |
| Odokawa |
Y'know, like when you're running a spoon under the tap and the water hits it at the wrong angle | |
| and sprays everywhere? | ||
| Gouriki |
Hn. | |
| Odokawa |
It's the complete opposite of that. The hole-y bowl’s level of resistance, that is. | |
| Gouriki |
Hn. | |
| Odokawa |
Conversely, now that I think about it, when you’re washing chopsticks, | |
| it feels like you’re getting a “two-for-one” deal. | ||
| Wait, what’s the matter, Gouriki? | ||
| Gouriki |
Look, I'm sorry. I can’t relate since I don't do the washing up. | |
| To be honest, I'm not at all familiar with frozen meals nowadays either. | ||
| Odokawa |
I take issue with several things you just said. | |
| You should definitely wash the dishes, and eat frozen meals every now and then. | ||
| Don't you feel sorry for your wife? | ||
| Gouriki |
Well, about that... | |
| Odokawa |
No no, I get it. Lemme guess what you're gonna say. | |
| Something like, "we just use the dishwasher", or "we mostly eat out". Correct? | ||
| Gouriki |
Ah, no... I mean, actually, we have a housekeeper... to do the chores and stuff for us... | |
| Odokawa |
(clicks tongue) | |
| Gouriki |
Hmph. Do you ever cook? | |
| Odokawa |
Sure do. Sometimes. | |
| Gouriki |
What do you make? | |
| Odokawa |
I stir-fry. | |
| Gouriki |
What do you stir-fry? | |
| Odokawa |
Everything. | |
| Gouriki |
No I mean what dishes specifically, like yasai itame. | |
| Odokawa |
I repeat, everything. Pretty much anything is tasty after you slather it in oil and fry it up. | |
| Gouriki |
You can look up recipes on the internet too, huh. | |
| Odokawa |
Not me, I dunno how to use the internet. | |
| Gouriki |
How do you know what to use then? | |
| Odokawa |
I just eyeball the ingredients. Works out fine. | |
| Gouriki |
But isn't it hard to prepare single portions? | |
| Odokawa |
I can always just chuck the leftovers in the freezer if there are any. | |
| That's right, it all comes back to frozen meals. Impressive, aren't they? | ||
| Gouriki |
Hmm… | |
| Odokawa |
What? | |
| Gouriki |
Just, you really give off that "bachelor" energy, huh. | |
| Odokawa |
I don't understand your point. Well then, I'm heading home. | |
| Gouriki |
Hang on, we're not done with the examination yet! | |
| Odokawa |
Oh, is that what we've been doing this entire time? | |
| By the way, something's been bothering me for a while now. What's that you're holding? | ||
| Gouriki |
It's a medical chart. | |
| Odokawa |
No, not that- | |
| Gouriki |
This is a medical clinic, what did you think I was writing!? | |
| Odokawa |
I thought maybe you were sketching. | |
| Gouriki |
Do you "sketch" in your taxi whilst waiting for the traffic lights to change? | |
| Odokawa |
We're getting off-track, I was referring to your pen. | |
| Gouriki |
Oh, this? | |
| Odokawa |
It looks far too cutesy for your tastes. | |
| Gouriki |
This is a "lucky ballpoint pen". | |
| Odokawa |
Huh? | |
| Gouriki |
You don't know? They're all the rage at the moment, apparently. | |
| If you closely keep it on your person, and then hand it off to another, good fortune shall follow. | ||
| Odokawa |
That sounds like something a grade school girl would believe. | |
| Gouriki |
Here, I'll give it to you. | |
| Odokawa |
Who did you even get it from in the first place? | |
| Gouriki |
Uhh, Yam- (audio cuts off) |
