Take it to the grave ♥ (絶対絶対秘密だよ, Zettai Zettai Himitsu Dayo) is the 2nd episode of Odd Taxi audio drama series. It was later done again on a live reading event on May 30.
Synopsis[]
Satoshi Nagashima broadcasts a conversation between the members of Mystery Kiss at their dance practice. Gossips, secrets, and lies abound!
Characters[]
Transcription[]
| 話 |
絶対絶対秘密だよ♥ | |
| 長嶋 |
みなさんこんばんは。 | |
| 前回の動画、もっとバズるかなって思ってたんですが、まぁあんなもんですよね。 | ||
| ただの医者と、患者の会話ですから。 | ||
| 「あわよくば収益化！」とか思ってたんですが、ちょっと無理そうです。 | ||
| さて、今回はなんと、あのアイドルグループの音声です。 | ||
| これは貴重ですよ、多分。 | ||
| では、どうぞ。 | ||
| （スイッチを入れる音） | ||
| 市村 |
超怖くない？ | |
| 三矢 |
何が？ | |
| 市村 |
二階堂さん。 | |
| 三矢 |
あー、話があるってやつ？ | |
| 怖いよね。 | ||
| なんだと思う？ | ||
| 市村 |
ダメ出しじゃない？ | |
| あのパートのダンスがどう、とか。 | ||
| 三矢 |
導入当てっこしようか、二階堂さんの第一声。 | |
| 市村 |
あー。 | |
| 「申し訳ないんだけど」とか？ | ||
| 三矢 |
怖っ！ | |
| まず詫びておいて、それを上回る罵声を浴びせてくるパターンじゃん。 | ||
| 市村 |
ヤバくない？ | |
| 三矢 |
それかそれか、 | |
| 「差し出がましいようだけど」とか？ | ||
| 市村 |
ヤバい、それヤバい。 | |
| 差し出がましいこと言われるじゃん、絶対。 | ||
| 三矢 |
あとはあれだよ、 | |
| 「厳しいこと言うようだけど」 | ||
| 市村 |
うわー、それマジヤバい。 | |
| 直接的でヤバい。 | ||
| 日本の前置き表現の幅広さがヤバい。 | ||
| （ドアを開ける音） | ||
| 二階堂 |
あのさ… | |
| 私たち、もっと仲良くならないといけないと思うんだ。 | ||
| 市村 |
えっ？ | |
| 仲良いと思ってたんだけど… | ||
| 二階堂 |
もっとだよ、もっと。 | |
| 三矢 |
じゃあ、みんなでどこか行っちゃう、旅行とか。 | |
| 市村 |
それいい！ | |
| 温泉行きたい。 | ||
| 二階堂 |
それもいいんだけど、もっと手っ取り早く… | |
| 市村 |
それは何のために？ | |
| 二階堂 |
うちらイベントとか出てもお互いのことあんまり知らないから、 | |
| エピソードがないじゃん？ | ||
| ライブのMCもこれからどんどんやらなきゃいけないし… | ||
| 市村 |
なるほど… | |
| 二階堂 |
証明できないのいいことに、 | |
| 「オーラが見える」とか「小さいおっさん見た」とか言い出したりさ、 | ||
| 有能な人からのツッコミありきで言い間違えるだけの | ||
| 薄い笑い取るだけのアイドルにはなりたくないじゃん。 | ||
| 市村 |
アイドルをそんな風に見てたんだ… | |
| 二階堂 |
アイドル…お笑い芸人さんとかもそうだと思うけど、 | |
| 今はグループに仲の良さを求める傾向があると思うんだよね。 | ||
| 三矢 |
確かに。 | |
| 不仲とか険悪とかって、リアルでお腹いっぱいだもんね。 | ||
| 市村 |
でもどうやったら手っ取り早く仲良くなれるの？ | |
| 二階堂 |
秘密を分け合うんだ。 | |
| 三矢 |
えっ、秘密って、言っちゃったら秘密じゃなくない？ | |
| 二階堂 |
だからゲームにする。 | |
| この小さい紙３枚に、それぞれ大きい秘密と小さい秘密、そして１つだけ嘘を書くんだ。 | ||
| 誰が書いたかわからない。 | ||
| 三矢 |
大きい秘密って、ガチの？ | |
| 二階堂 |
うん、墓場まで持って行く系の。 | |
| 市村 |
それってさ、誰が書いたかわからないし、嘘混じってるならさ、 | |
| ライブMCとかで使えないんじゃないの？ | ||
| 三矢 |
確かに！ | |
| それにガチの秘密、言われたら困るし… | ||
| 二階堂 |
まずは共犯関係を作ろうってことだよ。 | |
| 嘘を混ぜるのは、言ってしまえば逃げ道。 | ||
| 市村 |
でも、面白そうかも。 | |
| 二階堂 |
とにかくやってみよう！ | |
| 三矢 |
ちょっ、ちょっと待って！ | |
| ガチのガチ？ | ||
| 二階堂 |
そうだってば。 | |
| 三矢 |
えー、なんかあるかなぁ？ | |
| 市村 |
筆跡変えないと… | |
| 三矢 |
うーん… | |
| 市村 |
えっと…あっ… | |
| 三矢 |
秘密…うーん… | |
| 市村 |
あとは… | |
| 三矢 |
これかな… | |
| 二階堂 |
じゃ、全部一箇所に集めて混ぜまーす！ | |
| で、順番に１人一枚ずつランダムに引いて読んでいく。 | ||
| いちいちリアクションはしない。 | ||
| じゃあ、三矢さんから。 | ||
| 三矢 |
はい。 | |
| 「整形をしている」 | ||
| 市村 |
「ネットにメンバーの悪口を書いた」 | |
| 二階堂 |
「パパ活をしている」 | |
| 三矢 |
「枕営業をしている」 | |
| 市村 |
「人を殺した」 | |
| 二階堂 |
「結婚している」 | |
| 三矢 |
「お笑い芸人と付き合っている」 | |
| 市村 |
「線香」 | |
| 二階堂 |
「死体を捨てた」 | |
| 市村 |
ちょっと待って、嘘、３つしかないの！？ | |
| 二階堂 |
ヤバいのばっかじゃん！ | |
| 三矢 |
えー、怖い怖い！ | |
| 絶対嘘でしょってのは、あれと、あれと… | ||
| 二階堂 |
「線香」ってなんだろう？ | |
| 三矢 |
秘密で「線香」？ | |
| うーん… | ||
| 二階堂 |
ほんとに墓場に持って行くものじゃない？ | |
| 市村 |
ヤバっ！ | |
| さっき言ってたツッコまれるの全然のやつじゃん。 | ||
| 二階堂 |
それより気になったんだけどさ、そのペン何？ | |
| 市村 |
これ？ | |
| 幸せのボールペンだって。 | ||
| 二階堂 |
何それ？ | |
| 市村 |
これを持ってると幸せになるんだ。 | |
| で、他人に渡すと幸せが伝染するっていう… | ||
| これマネージャーの山本さんからもらったんだけど。 | ||
| 二階堂 |
山本さんは誰にもらったの？ | |
| 市村 |
タクシーの運転手にもらったんだって。 | |
| 三矢 |
幸せなこと、あったの？ | |
| 市村 |
CD出せたし、こうしてイベントもできるしさ。 | |
| 三矢 |
それは前から決まってたじゃん。 | |
| 二階堂 |
へー、面白そう。 | |
| 次、それ私にもらえない？ | ||
| 市村 |
えっ？ | |
| いいよ、はい | ||
| （ブツッ） |
| Story |
Take it to the grave ♥ | |
| Nagashima |
Good evening, everyone. | |
| I had hoped my previous video would go a little more viral but I guess it did as well as could be expected. | ||
| Was simply a conversation between a doctor and a patient, after all. | ||
| I'll admit I even thought about making some money off it if possible but that's looking unlikely. | ||
| Moving on this week I bring you a recording of,yes, believe it or not, that idol group. | ||
| Now this is content worth hearing.Probably. | ||
| Well then, without further ado. | ||
| (Click) | ||
| Ichimura |
Aren't you like, super scared? | |
| Mitsuya |
Of what? | |
| Ichimura |
Nikaido-san. | |
| Mitsuya |
Ah. You mean how she said she "needs to have a talk" with us? | |
| Yeah, not very reassuring. | ||
| Any idea what it's about? | ||
| Ichimura |
She probably just wants to like, | |
| criticize our dance moves, or whatever. | ||
| Mitsuya |
Shall we take a guess? At what kind of snide opening remark she'll go with this time. | |
| Ichimura |
Hmm... how about: | |
| "I'm terribly sorry, but..."? | ||
| Mitsuya |
Uncanny! | |
| It's so predictable of her to like, pointlessly "apologize" before she shouts at you. | ||
| Crazy, right? | ||
| Ichimura |
Oh, oh! What about: | |
| Mitsuya |
"This may be none of my business, but..." ? | |
| Oh yeah that one's crazy. | ||
| Ichimura |
It definitely just means she's gonna go ahead and stick her nose in anyways. | |
| Wait! There's also: | ||
| Mitsuya |
"I don't mean to sound harsh, but…" | |
| Omg, that one's legit crazy! | ||
| Ichimura |
Straight. Up. Crazy. | |
| The sheer amount of superficial phrases used in Japan is crazy! | ||
| (Sound of door opening and then closing) | ||
| Nikaido |
Hey, so… | |
| I think it's important for us to get closer with one another. | ||
| Ichimura |
Huh? | |
| I thought we were close... | ||
| Nikaido |
No like, really close. | |
| Mitsuya |
Maybe we could like, go on a trip somewhere together? | |
| Ichimura |
Nice idea! | |
| I wanna go someplace with an outdoor bath! | ||
| Nikaido |
That could work too but, I'm thinking something a little more short-term... | |
| Ichimura |
What's the rush? | |
| Nikaido |
If we don't know much about each other | |
| we won't have any anecdotes to talk about during our live performances, right? | ||
| Our emcee duties are only gonna keep increasing from here on out too. | ||
| Ichimura |
I see your point... | |
| Nikaido |
We don’t wanna become the kind of idols who bring up baseless trivia, | |
| like being able to read auras, or that they "saw a leprechaun", | ||
| or the kind who can only get weak laughs | ||
| off the back of quips made by competent people, right? | ||
| Ichimura |
I didn't realize that was your mental image of idols... | |
| Nikaido |
The same probably goes for comedians etc. but, | |
| I feel like nowadays there's a preference towards groups whose members are on good terms. | ||
| Mitsuya |
Agreed. | |
| Real life is already filled with enough disagreements and hostility as it is. | ||
| Ichimura |
Okay but how can we get closer faster? | |
| Nikaido |
By sharing secrets. | |
| Mitsuya |
Wouldn't that like, y'know, defeat the purpose of something being a secret? | |
| Nikaido |
Which is why we'll make it into a game. | |
| Each of us writes down a 'big secret', a 'small secret', and a 'lie' on three separate pieces of paper. | ||
| Nobody will know who wrote what. | ||
| Mitsuya |
By 'big secret' do you mean like, a hardcore one? | |
| Nikaido |
Yeah. The kind you'd take with you to the grave. | |
| Ichimura |
But, if we don't know who wrote them,or which ones are lies | |
| then we can't really use them on stage and stuff, can we? | ||
| Mitsuya |
Good point! | |
| Not to mention, you'd be in trouble if a hardcore secret got out... | ||
| Nikaido |
Don’t worry. This is just to foster a "partners-in-crime" atmosphere. | |
| The fact that a lie is mixed in gives you a way out, so to speak. | ||
| Ichimura |
Even so... Might be fun, I guess? | |
| Nikaido |
Let's just give it a shot for now! | |
| Mitsuya |
Wait, wait, wait! Like, hardcore, hardcore? | |
| Nikaido |
For the last time, yes. | |
| Mitsuya |
Dunno if I can even think of one... | |
| Ichimura |
Gotta disguise my handwriting... | |
| Mitsuya |
...hm... | |
| Ichimura |
...umm... oh! | |
| Mitsuya |
...a secret... hmm... | |
| Ichimura |
...and… | |
| Mitsuya |
...this one, maybe... | |
| Nikaido |
Now we... mix them all up! | |
| Nikaido |
Aaaand... randomly read them out one-by-one! | |
| Make sure to keep a straight-face. | ||
| Mitsuya-san, you go first. | ||
| Mitsuya |
Okay. | |
| "I've had plastic surgery." | ||
| Ichimura |
"I bad-mouthed a group member on the internet." | |
| Nikaido |
"I have a sugar daddy." | |
| Mitsuya |
"I'm doing couch casting." | |
| Ichimura |
"I killed somebody." | |
| Nikaido |
"I'm married." | |
| Mitsuya |
"I'm dating a comedian." | |
| Ichimura |
"Incense sticks." | |
| Nikaido |
"I dumped a dead body." | |
| Ichimura |
Hold up... only three of these are supposed to be lies!? | |
| Nikaido |
All of them are crazy! | |
| Mitsuya |
This is too creepy! | |
| Ichimura |
The obvious lies have to be, uh, that one...and that one... | |
| Nikaido |
What's up with "incense sticks" though? | |
| Ichimura |
Secret... incense sticks? | |
| Hmm... | ||
| Nikaido |
Wait, they're something you literally take with you to (burn at) someone's grave! | |
| Ichimura |
Crazy! | |
| That's totally meant to be a punchline to what you said earlier! | ||
| Nikaido |
Err, more importantly, what's the deal with that pen of yours? | |
| Ichimura |
This? | |
| It's a "Lucky Ballpoint Pen". | ||
| Mitsuya |
A what? | |
| Ichimura |
It's supposed to bring good fortune whilst in your possession. | |
| Then, if you pass it on to someone else, the good fortune will follow. Apparently. | ||
| I got it from our manager, Yamamoto-san. | ||
| Nikaido |
Who did Yamamoto-san get it from? | |
| Ichimura |
He said a taxi driver gave it to him. | |
| Mitsuya |
So, has it granted you any good fortune? | |
| Ichimura |
Well, we were able to release a CD, and there's our upcoming event too! | |
| Mitsuya |
Those things were arranged before you got the pen. | |
| Nikaido |
Hmm... sounds interesting. | |
| Can I have it next? | ||
| Ichimura |
Hm? | |
| Sure, here you go- | ||
| (Snap) |
